Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your penis caused this!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
