took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
