Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I need to stop coming to work sober
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She bit a glass in half.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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