Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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