would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This house was built for laser tag.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
