Ambien. No doubt about it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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