My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
