How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
3 2 1 whiskey
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
