i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
