I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize