I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize