she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dicks are not precious.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
