I cockslap morals
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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