dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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