Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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