so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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