think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
