youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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