First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
