Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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