Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
