I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
