He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
