Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why do cheetos always look like penises
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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