it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
