sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
