I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize