Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
