Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
