what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
