Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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