If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
