I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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