yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
