It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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