if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize