Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
