also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
