That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want her autograph on my taint
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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