is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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