You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
