There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
