i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Green mimosas i think yes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
