I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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