she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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