I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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