I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Semen is not good for contacts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
