Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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