I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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