I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
