I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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