is your mom at the bar?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
