In the future we'll all be gay
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
