Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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