I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
