it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
