Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
