youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
