This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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