So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
