I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
