he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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