i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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