i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
