i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
