i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
